I was halfway eating half a medium-sized stuffed crust pizza when I came across a series of reflective thoughts. Mostly on life and friendship and the likes.

So you know how people always say that high school is the best time of your life and all? And that the people you meet in high school will be the ones you remember most and stuff like that? And like, how those are the people who knows how you become who you are, not just know you for what you are?

Well, I’ve come to the realisation that half of the people you meet in high school, you probably won’t ever talk to again after you leave. Like, ever. I mean there would be the occasional obligatory birthday greetings over facebook or twitter. But otherwise, don’t count on it.

So when you’ve found those friends you can totally connect with, the ones who knows you to the bone. The ones you can talk to about absolutely anything and not have a care in the world. The ones you insult repeatedly only to insult you back, without having ever to say, “no hard feelings”… Those are the ones you have to hold on to for dear life.

Surely, there would be people you’ve met who changes at a completely different pace than you. And you get so overwhelmed by it you’ve stopped trying to keep up and keep in touch. It’s not entirely their fault, or yours, it’s just the way their world has influenced them.

All these thoughts on friendship is probably what I’ve come to realise most during this summer. There are people who can just jump into it with you effortlessly, like you guys have never been separated at all. There are also times where we need to get through an awkward silence and useless catch-up talks to get to know them again. There people who you just don’t meet at all during the summer.

I feel like I’m blessed with so many good friends over the years, and it has helped me cope with whatever shit life decides to throw at me. But I also realise how half of the people I met doesn’t mean much to me anymore. I’ve basically cut off a whole lot of people, because I’ve lost that sense of comfort when they’re around.

There are literally only a handful of people I could comfortably call friends. The 1000+ friend list on facebook is a big total bullshit lie. I swear at one point I could narrow it down to less than 300. And heck, probably only a quarter of the 300 actually matters in my life. But I guess that’s how it goes. They come and they go.

I also have this fear of not making friends once I’ve jumped into a new environment. To be honest, when I went on my internship, I didn’t make a lot of friends. It may be the nature of the job too, I mostly go chase stories on my own. I get to meet a bunch of people, but that was really just being acquainted. I would need to work on forging a real friendship with people I meet. Not as easy as it sounds though.

But anyways, yeah, even in that one workplace alone, I don’t really know much of anyone. There was a reporter in the health desk which is fun, then there are a bunch of the editors, but they’re my boss so I guess that doesn’t really count. Then there’s the fellow intern. But that’s about it. I’m just scared that I won’t be able to forge the kind of friendship I’ve ever made back with my high school friends. Because I think, at times like that, when your career path begins to unfold, you’d need those kind of people to put your feet back on the ground.

I really don’t know where this conversation is going anymore. But yeah, I guess you’d get the gist of it.

Don’t let go. Ever. If they start to slip away, hold on tighter.

Coz God know how hard it is to find someone like that again.